Melons

"You volunteer in NICU? I'm headed there right now to baptize one of the babies." He showed me a nifty shortcut to the NICU ward, scanned us in, and went off to one of the bays.

Bay 4 in the back right corner was a baby with the most severe case of cleft palette this NICU has seen. But this was not the underlying cause for concern. Upon laying down, the baby's head would not retain it's round shape but would slightly flatten with surface contact. The nurse had described the softness of its head like an over-ripe cantaloupe. The baby had been constantly streamed with pain medication for internal bleeding in its brain.

Just one incubation over was just another Preemie like the majority of newborns in NICU. Until her MRIs came in. Turns out she only developed her brain stem and a small portion of her cerebellum. The rest of her cranium is fluid. I was able to talk to the mother. She seemed okay, and I didn't understand how she was still able to give me a smile. Her baby was baptized today and will be transported to hospice on Wednesday to die.

I thought about how these babies 'need' the anesthetics and hospice provisions. What can they feel or know as a newborn? It was like this principle of ethics hit me square in the face and I decided you don't need to put a memory or thought to pain to suffer.